The Divine Handoff: Releasing What Isn’t Yours to Carry

As I come to realise daily, the journey of “Returning to SELF” is not for the faint-hearted. It is gritty, demanding work. As the local saying goes, it is not “pap & vleis.” It requires a level of radical honesty that can be uncomfortable, but it is also the only path to true freedom.

Recently, a few experiences brought a heavy awareness to my heart, highlighting how quickly relationships can shift when expectations are not met. The very people you invite into your personal space, who once seemed to appreciate and respect you, can suddenly display behaviours that feel deeply disrespectful.

When this happens, it’s easy to focus on their actions. But I had to ask myself harder and more transformative questions. If they are now showing behaviour that I define as disrespect, where am I disrespecting myself? Please take note… this isn’t about self-blame; it is about self-awareness.

I hold a firm belief that how you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you. The energy you put out is the energy you attract.

This realization sent me into a period of deep reflection, asking myself some difficult questions.

Where am I being unkind to myself?

In what ways have I allowed my own boundaries to be crossed?

How did I, perhaps unconsciously, give others permission to behave this way toward me?

The answers often lie in the subtle ways we abandon ourselves,

the small compromises,

the ignored intuition

and the moments we prioritize someone else’s comfort over our own peace.(Which I am often guilty of)

The Mirror Effect

There is a fundamental truth we often overlook: how you treat yourself sets the instruction manual for how others will treat you. One of my core beliefs is that we attract what we continually hold in our minds. Proverbs 23:7 captures this beautifully: ‘For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.’ The nature of our thoughts shapes the nature of our experiences in our lives thus influencing what we experience and who we become.

When someone’s behaviour feels like a betrayal or a deep-seated lack of respect, it acts as a mirror, reflecting an area within us that needs attention. It’s a divine signal prompting us to examine our own relationship with self.

Are you overworking to prove your worth?

Are you saying “yes” when your spirit is screaming “no”?

Did you hope that by giving more, you would finally receive the respect you crave?

Are you suppressing your own needs to keep the peace?

These are not easy questions to face, but they are essential for growth. When you operate from a place of self-respect, you naturally set clear and healthy boundaries. You teach people how to treat you by demonstrating how you treat yourself. This is not about building walls to keep people out, but about creating a sacred space where your well-being is non-negotiable.

When I am constantly experiencing crossed boundaries or unkindness from others, it is often a loud, flashing neon signal pointing me back to my own internal dialogue. I have to sit with the discomfort of that question: Where am I being unkind to myself?

I am constantly learning when I consistently honour my own needs and values, I am sending a powerful message to the universe. I am declaring that I am worthy of respect, kindness and consideration. Consequently, those who cannot meet that standard will naturally drift away, making room for relationships that are aligned with my highest self.

The Spiritual Handoff: A Strategy for Peace

While self-reflection is vital, we cannot carry the weight of everyone else’s behaviour on our shoulders. This is where faith becomes our greatest advantage.

I have a habit of chatting with the Holy Spirit. I view Him not just as a distant deity, but as my best friend and confidant. When the behaviour of others or even my own reactions becomes too much to handle, I have a specific conversation with God.

It goes something like this:

“God, You know You created human beings. I have no power to change them or deal with their complexities right now. So, please, can You deal with Your children? I am tapping out. I did not create them; You did.”

There is immense freedom in this surrender. As Psalm 139 beautifully illustrates, God takes responsibility for His creation. He knows their sitting down and their rising up. He understands their thoughts from afar. Since He is the Architect of their souls, He is far better equipped to handle their attitudes than I am.

So, I hand it over. “Please deal with them, Lord.” And then, I move on.

This isn’t about being dismissive; it is about protecting my peace. It is an act of spiritual boundaries. It allows me to release the burden of fixing others or managing their emotions, freeing me to focus on my own alignment.

Steps to Reclaiming Your Self-Respect

If you are currently navigating this season of recalibration, here are three practical ways to move from feeling disrespected to feeling empowered.

1. Audit Your Inner Kindness

Take a quiet moments to observe your thoughts. When you make a mistake, do you berate yourself, or do you offer yourself grace? If you are harsh with yourself, you will likely tolerate harshness from others. Start practicing radical kindness inwardly. Speak to yourself with the same gentleness you would offer a beloved friend.

2. Redefine Your “Yes” and “No”

In the KnowingBeingDoing® framework, we emphasize authentic alignment. Part of “Being” authentically aligned is ensuring your actions match your values. If you are saying “yes” out of guilt or obligation, you are disrespecting your own limits. Practice the holy pause. When asked for something, take a breath. Check in with your spirit. If it’s not a clear yes, it is a safe no.

3. The Divine Handoff

When you encounter friction or disrespect, do not engage in the battle. Do not try to convince them of your worth. Instead, use the prayer of surrender. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe. Hand the situation over to God. Trust that the Holy Spirit can do the work in their hearts that your words never could.

Choosing Who You Will Be

Ultimately, this journey leads us back to that one powerful question: Who do I choose to be?

Do you choose to be a person who bends to the whims of others, or do you choose to be a human being anchored in their divine identity?

When you feel disrespected or hurt, see it as a call to look inward. Ask God to show you where you need to love yourself more fiercely, where you need to stand taller in your truth. And when it all feels too heavy, remember to hand it over. Surrender the struggle and trust that you are held, guided, and loved unconditionally.

You teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself. So today, choose to be kind to you. Choose to respect your own boundaries.

And for everything else that is too heavy to carry? Hand it over to the One who created it all.