Reflecting on Psalm 18: How Have You Been Your Own Saul?

This morning I found myself deeply reflecting on Psalm 18, a psalm written by David, who continuously spoke to the Lord throughout his life. The intimacy of David’s relationship with God is evident in this scripture. He must have spent so much dedicated time in God’s presence for God to guide the prophet Samuel directly to him. I believe David wrote this particular psalm in gratitude, acknowledging the Lord for delivering him from all his enemies, including Saul. This reflection led me to ask myself a hard-hitting question: What if I have been my own Saul?

Recognizing My Own Limitations

David’s life was a remarkable example of God’s faithfulness and grace, and yet his story is also a reminder of human nature—the tendency to try to take control. When I looked inward, I recognized moments in my own life where I have taken on the role of “being my own Saul.” There were times I thought I could handle everything on my own, telling God, “I’ve got this!” as if I didn’t need His guidance.

But reality hits hard when the wheels inevitably come off. I’ve had this experience more than once. Instead of leaning on God’s strength, I tried to take control, only to realize that I was stepping into a role that wasn’t mine to claim. For years, I lived by a simple belief that grounded me: God has His job description, and I have mine. God’s role is to take care of everything concerning me, and my role is to simply love and be loved. When I lived with this mindset, life felt peaceful and aligned.

The Beauty of Grace

It’s easy to beat yourself up, I’ve done it myself—dwelling on my shortcomings and mistakes, replaying moments where I went wrong. But here’s the truth I continually return to, a truth straight from God’s Word: “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins.” (Isaiah 43:25)

If God, my Creator, chooses to blot out my transgressions and not remember my sins, why should I keep beating myself up over them? He made me; He knows me better than I know myself. It’s His grace, not my efforts, that defines me.

Saul, like many of us, started strong. He was chosen by God, anointed for greatness, and filled with purpose. But along the way, his reliance on God faltered. He began leaning more on his own strength and understanding, instead of remembering that his power came from the Lord. I can see parallels in my own life—I’ve had those moments when I said, “Take Your hand off the wheel, God; I can manage this from here.” *Laughs out loud*

How funny, but the truth is, I can’t. Those moments of self-reliance and control only lead to exhaustion and stress. Like Saul, I’ve learned (the hard way) that trying to take over God’s role in my life always results in chaos.

Returning to the Secret Place

Reflecting on this, I’ve recognized a longing to return to my authentic SELF—the version of me that understands her place in the secret place of the Most High God. It’s the place of rest, trust, and surrender. Life was simpler and more fulfilling when I embraced my role to love and be loved while letting God take care of everything else.

This return to self is a return to aligning my priorities with His Word. It’s about stepping aside, acknowledging that His grace is sufficient, and living in the peace that comes from trusting Him completely.

Takeaway: Stop Being Your Own Saul

If any of this resonates with you, I want to encourage you to ask yourself a similar question. Have you been your own Saul? Are you taking on a weight that was never meant to be yours to carry?

David reminds us through his psalms that God’s love is steadfast, His grace is enduring, and His strength is infinite—even when ours isn’t. Your role isn’t to do it all. Your role is to dwell in His presence, to love, and to be loved.

The best thing we can do is step out of God’s way and allow Him to move in our lives. Trust His word when He says your transgressions are blotted out, and bring yourself back to the secret place where trust, peace, and love reside.

It’s time to stop fighting against yourself and surrender into His perfect plan.

Life is simpler, more joyful, and infinitely better when we allow God to take His rightful place—not just as our Creator, but as the loving guide for every aspect of life.